Blessed Beyond Measure

Rare is a word I hadn't heard much in my life.  That is, until I had a baby almost ten weeks early.  It was rare to have a baby that early.  It was rare for her to be as big as she was.  It was rare for her to progress as quickly as she did.  It was rare for me to have such extreme post partum depression.  It was rare for my body to not recover from it.  It was rare for me to have a molar pregnancy.  It was rare for my HcG levels to drop as slowly as they did.  It was rare for a molar pregnancy to require a trip to the oncologist.  It was rare for me to have a possible blighted ovum.  It was even more rare for it to occur after a molar pregnancy.  It was rare for the miscarriage inducing medicine to have such a traumatic effect on the body.  It was rare for it to take so long for the miscarriage to finish.  And now the doctor tells me it is rare for the HcG levels to be hanging on the way that they are.  My body ...

With kids you really can't get away with anything!  Here are a few conversations from this week: 1- "Mom, how much do you weigh?"  "Use estimation.  How much do you THINK I weigh?" "Well, I am 77 pounds.  And I know you weigh more than 100 pounds because you don't have to ride in a car seat.  So, I am going to say 300 pounds." I am hoping her estimation skills improve in the upcoming years!! 2- "Mom, you are fatter than you used to be." "I know, I think it is all the medicine I have been taking." "I don't know mom, I think it may be all of the cookies." Darn that new oven! 3-  "Nixon, I know you are having a bad morning, but that doesn't mean you can act like a booty." "You have been acting like a booty for weeks.  Why can't I have it for one day?!" If kids don't keep you grounded, I don't know what will!

How are you?  I get that question a lot.  And I find that many people really don't want the truth.  The truth is awkward and uncomfortable.  The truth brings up questions.  The truth goes against my personality and everything I have ever stood for.  But, the truth is . . . I am struggling.  This has, by far, been the hardest thing I have ever been through.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally.  My body yearns for normalcy.  But, the pain and headaches remind me that there really is no normal right now.  My heart longs for the sadness to lift.  For the happiness to find its place back in my heart.  I question whether this is something I could just decide to get better from and realize that so much is out of my hands.  My faith questions this plan and longs for answers.  But, there aren't any of those.  When my human mind can only see a small piece of the puzzle, I just can't find the reasoning in any of...

 Lovin' the new oven!!  It makes extra yummy cookies!!  Also spent some time making Nixon her own reading space.  We really didn't use her closet much, and my friend Brandi sent me pictures inspiring me to create a reading nook for Nixon.  It wasn't quite as fancy as we had planned, but my little reader got impatient.  So, we improvised with only things we had on hand and she loves it!!  It is a perfect little hide-a-way!  Oven also makes very yummy apple crisp, yeast-free of course.  That is, until we topped it off with ice cream.  Probably not a good start to losing the 20 pounds I need to lose.  Turns out I started eating for two way before I needed too!! All in all, it was a pretty productive weekend.  Except for one grey cat who loves to sleep on his favorite girl's backpack!  Of course, as you can see, it wasn't a weekend filled with the doctor-mandated bed rest as planned.  I am just...

Not every day is great.  I don't wake up every day with hope and excitement in my heart.  I didn't rest last night at all.  More contractions, which brought on more anger.  I am working very hard at staying positive.  I had a complete meltdown yesterday.  In my closet floor.  For like an hour.  Crying.  Then Nixon had a tough morning today.  So, I am very thankful that today is Friday.  I am also very thankful that God works in the ways that He does.  Today He sent a friend to cheer me up.  And although my attitude was not in the right place to "hear" from Him, He got my attention.  Because she started with a story about her son that grabbed my heart and took my focus off of me immediately.  My mom always told me if I was feeling sorry for myself then think about other people.  It really does work!  Then she went on to tell me she had been thinking about me all morning.  And she didn't even know ...

Yesterday I had a near-death experience.  Well, not really.  But, allow me the drama for just one second while I tell the story.  In my self-pity mode I have pretty much allowed myself to eat whatever I want.  This past weekend, we added a waffle iron to our family and I was pretty excited and made a million waffles.  Turns out that an entire box of waffle mix makes a BUNCH of waffles.  So, we have had waffles all week.  And they are yummy!  Yesterday, I decided I would just have myself a waffle for dinner and as I ate I began to choke.  Everything they say is true.  You see your life flash before your eyes.  You can't talk.  You can't breathe.  But, you can think and everything you can imagine goes through your mind as you wonder how you are going to keep yourself from dying in front of your young daughter.  Nixon immediately goes into "take control of the situation to keep mom from dying" mode and grabs my phone to ...

Wow!  I feel like a new person today!!!  And am pretty excited about it.  I finally called the doctor yesterday and explained how I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown after being in constant labor for a week straight.  They felt my pain and allowed me to come in for a check-up.  After some "spring cleaning", I was as good as new.  No more contractions.  No more back pain.  No more crazy hormones.  Well, that may be asking too much.  It was really that simple!  I slept last night without contractions!  First night of rest in weeks and it was so needed.  I am so happy I could bake my doctor a cake.  Well, if my oven worked.  Did I mention that my oven went out?  The day after my flat tire.  Which was the day after my miscarriage.  Been a tough couple of weeks.  But, hey, today is a brand new day!  And Saturday I get a brand new oven.  So, I will just have to bake my c...

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I woke up in the middle of the night at Disney World and just knew.  I could feel the shift in my body and I instantly knew I was pregnant.  I didn't have a way to prove it, but my heart knew . . . and I was thrilled!  When we returned I finally took a test to prove what I knew to be true all along.   We were pregnant!  I always wanted more children, but really never could see where it would fit into the picture.  This time I felt God taking over our plan and changing things and I couldn't have been more excited.  Bryan shared my feelings and we waited patiently to share the news with Nixon.  Soon excitement was replaced with worry in my mind.  After a day of spotting, I was consumed with the thought that things may not actually work out as I had them ...

My friend Brandi convinced me that I should take a "wellness day" today, so I did just that.  And I am really glad that I did.  I wore my favorite shirt, I had time to do some much needed updating of my blog, I realized just how much I LOVE my new camera while digging through all of the fun pictures, I squeezed in time with my favorite little girl at her school, I took time to smell the roses that a wonderful friend and small group member gave me, and even had lunch with friends from school who really cheered me up and cheered me on.  I am feeling great!  Ready to face God's plan!!

Time for a little update around here.  Hope you like the new look!  I needed something light and fresh for the new year!

Well, I didn't expect this post to be like this, but God's plan is often different than our own.  I visited my OBGYN for the second time yesterday and found out that my pregnancy wasn't progressing as it should be.  So sad!  I will have surgery on Tuesday.  Surprised?  Sorry!  We were waiting for more info before we shared the big news.  Insert sad face. I trust God's plan for wonerful things and know He has plans for me and for my little family.  Just keep us in your thoughts!

Nixon got a special surprise from Santa this year!  He allowed her to have one day where she cuddles on Piddle.  And she loved every second of it!!!  Thanks Santa!!

We had a nice new year visit to the zoo to feed our favorite giraffe family and take in the 70 degree temps.  The giraffe family was extra hungry today, the monkeys were out and funny, and the lion rested lazily on his back and gave us all a good chuckle.  What a beautiful day!!